By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Resistance creates suffering.
What do I mean by resistance? Anytime you set yourself in opposition to your present circumstances, situations, or conditions, you are in a state of resistance. It sounds like, “I don’t want this in my life!” You may experience levels of resistance all the way from a mild against-ness to a no-holds-barred, kicking-and-screaming fight mode.
You strain against such things as how someone behaves in your presence; how someone speaks to you; others’ opinions; others’ reactions to your opinions; the views of Republicans; the views of Democrats; your habits; your weight; depression or anxiety; illness and/or pain; someone’s death; your financial situation. You might even work hard to force people and situations to be other than they are.
How can you tell if resistance has taken up residence within you? You experience dissatisfaction, even irritation. You feel anger, resentment, anxiety, impatience, depression or guilt. You hold attitudes of judgment and criticism. These thoughts and emotions give you clues that resistance has shown up. And they are all forms of suffering.
We mistakenly think that resisting will get rid of the unpleasant circumstance, event, or situation. Society conspires to teach us that putting up our dukes shows strength. Actually, it reveals our fears and weaknesses. Such combat does not make the unwanted thing go away. In fact, it has the opposite effect — it keeps it in place. It also impedes the flow of creativity that could produce magical solutions.
Acceptance of what-is-so-now disables resistance. To move to a state of acceptance, you must first become conscious of when and under what conditions you go into resistance. As you observe yourself, you may be surprised at how often you catch yourself mumbling inwardly, “I hate this!”
Next, begin to drop the resistant attitudes and emotions. Accept whatever occurs. Allow it to be. Relax into the circumstance or feeling of the moment. Non-resistance and acceptance frees the energy in and around you. You thus make space for new ideas and creative solutions to flow in.
When you relax and allow and accept, you will be amazed. Acceptance has a way of miraculously transforming circumstances. Either 1) the situation changes on its own without your input and manipulation, or 2) in the interest of resolution, you feel inspired to take action that you haven’t taken before. Alternatively, 3) you may find that you have a new willingness to live in peace with things as they are.
Like I said earlier, don’t believe a word I’ve said! Experiment on your own to see if any of this rings true for you.
Dr. Marta practices as a professional mentor in communication and consciousness. To contact her, e-mail drmartacoach@gmail.com or call 928-451-9482.