By Amaya Gayle Gregory
What do you want? Don’t answer too quickly. Take a moment and let the question settle in. Whatever you want is what you want and it’s not wrong, whatever it is. Many of the people who read spiritual stuff believe the answer to that question is enlightenment, waking up from the dream, seeing through the ruse, but I’d have to question that. What most people want is to be happy, to be free of the pain and struggle, to live a more meaningful and rewarding life.
Is that true for you too, or are you one of the rare breed who truly wants truth, regardless of what it is, even if there is no truth? Maybe you have enough understanding of enlightenment that you think you know what it is. If so, you’re in deep trouble. Defining it takes you one more definition away from the recognition of what it is and isn’t and you already have enough definitions to last this lifetime and few more to boot?
It’s okay to desire relief from the boa constrictor sitting on your heart, the butter churn working in your gut, the endless chatter inside your head. Who wouldn’t want that, but don’t confuse that with seeing what is, with being awake in the dream.
Regardless of the storyline you’re playing out, it’s still a storyline, a dream within the dream. Maybe it’s the spiritual story, the love of Gaia, or the rightness of veganism. It might be the brightness of yoga and natural health solutions. Perhaps yours is a story of political activism, or political antipathy. Maybe your storyline is all about doing your shadow work, focused on ascension. You might simply be working hard to be a better human, kinder and more compassionate. In your story people who are mean and selfish probably aren’t your role models. Maybe your story is one of power, of overcoming limiting beliefs, of winning at any cost and putting dollars in the bank, or the simplicity of art and beauty, harmony and creativity.
Whatever your story, it’s yours, It’s not something to feel proud or shamed about. It doesn’t need to be different, nor could it be. It is the very organic outpicturing of your infinitely alive design in this moment.
If you truly understood what awakening is, it’s likely you’d prefer the tale of enlightenment, a thousand to one, perhaps much higher odds. At least with the tale you get to be the hero of your own story, a hero facing villains, saving or cursing the day. There are mountains to climb, places to go, and time left to get there. This pretend world isn’t yet fully pretend. It hasn’t been blown to pieces, leaving no trace behind. It’s still real to one degree or another. You have choices to make, and trust that it makes a difference. You’re still you, making a dent in the dream, frustrated by those crazy others who can’t see what you see, and pleased to share what you’ve figured out with anyone who will listen. It’s a life, a wild ride on the duality train.
You’re still in storyland and whatever else you want to say about it, it’s grand. It’s filled with drama and comedy, inexhaustible mixtures and elixirs. You’ve got something for everyone, billions of combinations ever-changing, deranging, estranging, exchanging.
There’s a reason This That Is incarnates, takes form, appears as you and me and the world. Well maybe not a reason, more of a natural orgasmic flow, but from the human perspective it sure seems like there should be.
Back to the question. What do you really want? Are you striving to improve your life? Do you want less of what you’ve got? Are you working through the shadows to see what’s really there, or because you’re damn tired of the icky sticky way they feel? Do you meditate to see what lies beneath the beliefs you hold dear or to calm the inner beast?
There are no wrong answers. Really.
The human experience is tricky, subtle in its wily ways. It will make you certain you know what you’re doing when you’re not the one doing it at all. It’s a trickster, creating worlds out of your imagination, extreme drama out of life’s ultimate sanity, a sense of ownership and doership out nothing but a shift in attention, all the while feeding you exactly what you fed in.
What do you want? Look to where your focus goes, to the storylines that grab your attention. Life’s a mirror, not a perfect reflection but close enough for storyland. Want to know what tale is centerstage in your life, or what act you are playing out? Observe closely. It’s all right in front of you.