By Dr. Marta Adelsman
Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
(August 16, 2013)
Have you ever experienced that feeling in the pit of your stomach that comes upon you when you’re faced with the task of making a speech or singing a solo? Have you ever felt too intimidated to join eHarmony or to ratchet your business to the next level?
This pit-of-the-stomach feeling is called fear. Perhaps you’re afraid that you’re too unlovable to end an abusive relationship. Or you’re too worried about losing your children’s devotion to risk putting your foot down. Maybe you’re so fearful of possible criticism that you don’t speak up for yourself and draw your boundaries clearly. Or you’re too scared to forge a new direction because you fear you won’t meet the challenge.
In situations like these, fear can paralyze you. It keeps you locked in a “comfort” zone of doubt, mediocrity, even pain.
Fear doesn’t react to reality. It reacts to False Evidence Appearing Real. It reacts to what your mind makes up about possible consequences if you do the feared thing.
When I first moved here six years ago, I never thought I would write a newspaper column. I don’t even remember where or when the idea for a column first arose. I do recall that, whenever I thought about it, I felt dread. Whenever I attempted to put myself “out there,” my father’s voice, saying, “Who the h— do you think you are?” haunted my thoughts.
What if editors rejected me? Would I disintegrate into a puddle on the floor? What if I ran out of topics about which to write? What if people didn’t like it and gave me negative feedback?
Instead of giving credence to a future based on an imagination run amok, I opted to stay present and to take action anyway. Here’s a secret I discovered in doing so: when you go into action in spite of your fear, you eliminate the fear!
When I began to do the fear, to write my first columns and to pitch them to newspapers, the fear disappeared. The ego that said, “You can’t! No way!” became quiet when I took action. It was only when I fell idle that my mind became a playground for anxious thoughts of possible future outcomes that hadn’t even happened.
If you examine the fearful thoughts, you can always find holes in their logic. They reveal themselves as a thin vapor that blows away with the breath of your action.
You see, you really have no excuses for not making your life fabulous. So I invite you to prove to yourself that most of your fears only pretend to be real. They’re imposters! Call their bluff and go into action.
You will open the way for fresh breezes to blow into your situations, circumstances and relationships. You will discover freedom from excuses.
And you will live a life of no regrets!