By Amaya Gayle Gregory
Sedona, AZ — It’s easy to get sucked into non-duality, to think it is the answer. It’s true, well as true as anything is true. It’s the closest to describing what this is that I have found. I don’t argue that at all.
Do you hear that sucking sound?
I get it! That’s right. It makes sense.
Hell no!
Nothing makes sense, absolutely nothing, other than to the mind who has little boxes to check off.
We are here and yet, we’re not. Duality seems to be the enemy of discovering Not Two, and yet it is unavoidably here too. One moment you’re sucked into the appearance, the next into infinite aliveness (my silly word for the wordless) itself. They sure seem to be two, but they aren’t. They do, however, seem to be different experiences.
Can you hold uncertainty in your wide-open fingers? Do you love a paradox? How about an entire world cosmos everythingness nothingness of paradoxes? What if nothing makes sense? Can you live with that? You are, whether you see it or not.
Make sense of that.
Humans want stuff to make sense. When it does, when it fits the current boxes, then it’s acceptable, but if this makes sense, you’re already standing on your soap box.
Bully for you! You’re doing you, whether you want a different you or not. Wanting a different you is still you doing you.
It doesn’t matter if you see it. It’s just changes the experience a bit. Gurus tell you to see your hidden beliefs, your triggers, that seeing them will set you free, will open the door to enlightenment.
That’s great for sales, for getting you to book podcasts and retreats, but it’s total BS. There is no answer. Looking for them is simply part of the dance, the intricate weave of light and dark, of material and ethereal, of human and aliveness itself.
You’ll hunt down your beliefs if it’s in your programming to do so. You can’t not. Most likely, you’ll find them, slay them, and add replacement beliefs to the pile. It’s only likely because that’s what most of us do.
You’ll think I’m brilliant if this resonates with your model of the world or how you think the world is, regardless of whether it’s your lived experience or not. In fact, the more it resonates with your beliefs, regardless of your actual experience, the quicker you’ll jump in. Alternately, you’ll think I’m crazy, perhaps even stupid, if what I write repels you, if a knot of rejection appears in your gut. Because of that you may not look any deeper than the offense.
Oh well!
None of that is my business. My business is to be me, as I am, to be who I couldn’t not be. I could no more not write than I could fly to the moon without a space cruiser. I could not have stayed in the business world one second longer even though it wasn’t a great financial choice. I couldn’t have not let two abusive men into my life.
Life is the convergence of beliefs, meeting, of patterns working themselves out, of karmic resonance dancing, the mysteriously moving aliveness, intertwined appearance and awareness. Beyond that, all bets are off. There’s no way to know.
I have lived the only life I could have lived, and so have you.
If I could have done something else, I would have. There would have been different beliefs, other patterns, a slightly new melody playing in the background of my life.
To say I have this figured out is hilarious. Perhaps I am different than many in that I really don’t care to figure it out. There is a deep sense of peace and comfort here that seems to come from being okay with whatever shows up. Uncertainty, blatant, unequivocal, needs no boxes, obliterates all boxes, leaving nothing but the delicious certainty of uncertainty.
Don’t confuse that with not caring. Mind-blowing heart-opening compassion lives here, fused with uncertainty, with no minding what appears. Yeah, I know. It doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t. I can’t argue with that at all. In fact, I don’t seem to have a lot of argument left. It’s like my last f*ck came and went and all that’s left is paradox. It’s a great place to live.
Image: MM Williams, Mystical Paradox
Like this and want more? An in-depth deconstruction of the beliefs that maintain the arguments? Check out my latest book, Actuality: infinity at play https://amzn.to/3Rd4CTY