By Tommy Acosta
Sedona, AZ — As many of my readers know, one of my favorite little mind games is imagining I am in someone else’s shoes and what I would do if I were them. Especially those in high places and with mighty influence.
The midterms are almost here, and for today’s excursion, let’s begin with what I would do if I were the president to ensure a Republican victory on Nov. 3.
The first thing I would do is declare that the war with Iran has victoriously ended. I would point out that Iran’s army, air force and leadership have been decimated, as has its ability to make a nuclear bomb. Mission accomplished. No need to waste any more time, money and manpower in that neck of the woods so we can pay more attention to the communist threat 90 miles from Florida that has been festering for so many years.
We did what we said we would do, and we can celebrate our victory.
Next, I would place a call to my cronies in the energy industry and have them plunge the price of gas for a few weeks and not raise prices again until after the elections. Surely, they can be persuaded to cut their profits for a bit and then, with my blessings, raise them again even higher to make up for their loss.
I also would create an amnesty plan for those who self-deported, where they can be vetted and brought back to the States in a humane and measured way. I would also tell ICE to ice it for a while and keep itself out of the news for a few weeks so voters could be lulled into forgetting how mean these agents have been tearing babies from their mothers and all that.
I would also give every voting American a thousand bucks to offset the rise in living expenses my policies have created. And I will promise them even more if we win.
Also, I would drive home the fear that if the Republicans lose the election, America as we know it is doomed. Good old FOX News is doing a great job of that.
Now, if I were Bernie and the rest of the commies, I would be shouting from the mountaintops that it ain’t about politics or fear of what the Republicans are going to do to the country, but that Trump must be dumped at any price. Every vote against a Republican is a vote against Trump, and the mutual hate of the president by the entire Dem Party, from progressives to card-carrying Mao supporters, must unify them and get them to the polls. It’s got to be a make-it-or-break it vote because if the Republicans win, Trump will run for a third term, for sure. That should plunge a knife of icy fear in every Democrat’s heart.
That’s it. Nothing complicated. Tie every Republican candidate to Trump and convince people how good it’s gonna feel once they dump them all out of office.
And it wouldn’t hurt to promise free everything: from education to medical care, to food and cigars.
There it is. If either party takes my advice, they will win. If they both take my advice, then it’s a toss-up.
So, what’s it gonna be, boys? Play nice or hardball?
Like everybody is saying, this is the most important midterm election ever in our country.
Vote with a vengeance!
