Sedona.Biz – The Voice of Sedona and The Verde ValleySedona.Biz – The Voice of Sedona and The Verde Valley
    Sedona.Biz – The Voice of Sedona and The Verde Valley Sedona.Biz – The Voice of Sedona and The Verde Valley
    • Home
    • Sedona
      • Arts and Entertainment
      • Bear Howard Chronicles
      • Business Profiles
      • City of Sedona
      • Elections
      • Goodies & Freebies
      • Mind & Body
      • Sedona News
    • Opinion
    • Real Estate
    • About
    • The Sedonan
    • Advertise
    • Sedona’s Best
    Sedona.Biz – The Voice of Sedona and The Verde ValleySedona.Biz – The Voice of Sedona and The Verde Valley
    Home»Sedona News»Opt for Openness
    Sedona News

    Opt for Openness

    January 3, 20141 Comment
    Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn Email Reddit WhatsApp
    Share
    Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Pinterest Email Reddit WhatsApp

    By Dr. Marta Adelsman
    Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
    www.DrMartaCoach.com
    (January 3, 2014)

    My training and coaching has led me to believe that I’m a pretty good listener.  So imagine my chagrin when, in a recent phone conversation in which a friend shared a personal struggle, she gave me feedback that I hadn’t been listening very well.  I had two separate inner reactions: 1) intense resistance to the idea that I hadn’t listened well, and 2) surprise that she would be so bold as to say so! 

    I’m sure you’re familiar with that defensive feeling that arises suddenly like hot lava from somewhere deep inside.  As soon as I felt it, my mind began to search for ways to get rid of it.  The ego felt embarrassed and desperately wanted to look good.  So it scrambled for something to say that would manipulate my friend into seeing me differently and changing her opinion.

    In the midst of these swirling thoughts and emotions, I realized I had a choice.  I could respond out of the defensive feelings, risking an argument.  Or I could stay open.

    I felt the inner struggle release as I quietly uttered, “Tell me more.”  With these three little words, I had chosen openness. Instead of trying to get away from the pain of what my friend had said, these words moved me toward it. They defied the egoic belief that she shouldn’t be holding this opinion of me. 

    The point, I realized, wasn’t to get rid of my discomfort, but to experience it as fully as I could. Openness doesn’t set itself against anything.  Whatever happens within its space (embarrassment, chagrin, etc.) is okay.

    Sedona Gift Shop

    Dropping defensiveness resolves tension quickly.  Remaining receptive to feedback from others instead of hardening against it causes you to soften and relax.  It opens a space between you in which fresh and creative responses become possible. 

    “Tell me more” disarms others. Unhampered by your ego, they see the content of their own mind and heart reflected back to them. This opens the way for them to realize creative solutions for their dilemmas.

    Instead of telling me more about how I had not listened, my friend spoke more deeply about her own struggles.  This led her to an “aha!” realization, resulting in a solution that served her. 

    After hanging up the phone, I realized that this very satisfying conversation would not have occurred if I had reacted out of my defensiveness and my desire to look good. The embarrassment had completely left. 

    All I felt was deep gratitude.

    Healing Paws

    This is an advertisement

    1 Comment

    1. Pat Berry on January 8, 2014 12:08 pm

      What a beautiful way to handle a situation with a friend that could have had a totally different outcome!

    No doubt about it—President Donald Trump is Superhuman

    By Tommy Acosta

    Sedona, AZ — No mere mortal could consume the amount of Diet Coke and fast food that he does and not suffer massive health problems or debilitating conditions.

    Read more→

    The Sedonan
    House of Seven Arches
    Need More Customers?
    Bear Howard Chronicles
    Humankind
    Tlaquepaque
    Verde Valley Wine Trail
    Recent Comments
    • TJ Hall on No doubt about it—President Donald Trump is Superhuman.
    • JB on BEAR HOWARD | SPECIAL TO THE AMERICAN PUBLIC:”Drowned by Design: How Trump’s War on Government Turns Natural Disasters Into National Tragedies”
    • TJ Hall on AI Ethics, ASSC, TSC: Consciousness and Sentience Science Nihility
    • Jill Dougherty on Stay Tuned, Sedona 
    • Steve segner on Stay Tuned, Sedona 
    • Mike Cosentino on Stay Tuned, Sedona 
    • Grant Castillou on AI Ethics, ASSC, TSC: Consciousness and Sentience Science Nihility
    • TJ Hall on BEAR HOWARD | SPECIAL TO THE AMERICAN PUBLIC:”Drowned by Design: How Trump’s War on Government Turns Natural Disasters Into National Tragedies”
    • Jill Dougherty on BEAR HOWARD | SPECIAL TO THE AMERICAN PUBLIC:”Drowned by Design: How Trump’s War on Government Turns Natural Disasters Into National Tragedies”
    • Patti Sadowski on The Humane Society of Sedona Maintained No Kill Status in 2024
    • JB on One Bullet Away
    • Dani Lewis on The Humane Society of Sedona Maintained No Kill Status in 2024
    • JB on The Attics of Conscience — What Could Soon Happen in Sedona and Across America
    • TJ Hall on One Bullet Away
    • TJ Hall on One Bullet Away
    Archives
    The Sedonan
    © 2025 All rights reserved. Sedona.biz.

    Type above and press Enter to search. Press Esc to cancel.