Sedona.Biz – The Voice of Sedona and The Verde ValleySedona.Biz – The Voice of Sedona and The Verde Valley
    Sedona.Biz – The Voice of Sedona and The Verde Valley Sedona.Biz – The Voice of Sedona and The Verde Valley
    • Home
    • Sedona
      • Arts and Entertainment
      • Bear Howard Chronicles
      • Business Profiles
      • City of Sedona
      • Elections
      • Goodies & Freebies
      • Mind & Body
      • Sedona News
    • Opinion
    • Real Estate
    • About
    • The Sedonan
    • Advertise
    • Sedona’s Best
    Sedona.Biz – The Voice of Sedona and The Verde ValleySedona.Biz – The Voice of Sedona and The Verde Valley
    Home»Sedona News»“I” Versus “You”
    Sedona News

    “I” Versus “You”

    May 23, 2014No Comments
    Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn Email Reddit WhatsApp
    Share
    Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Pinterest Email Reddit WhatsApp

    By Dr. Marta Adelsman
    Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
    www.DrMartaCoach.com
    (May 23, 2014)

    photo_martaadelsmanBy the time we get to our 50s and beyond, we’ve put a lot of years into practicing communication habits that don’t serve us.  The longer we practice these habits, the more ingrained they become.  I indulged in one the other day.

    “You’re not paying enough attention to me!” I said to my husband, Steve.  “You seem pre-occupied with getting ready for the tour you’re leading to Japan; you’re always somewhere else in your mind.  I’d like you to spend at least a little quality time with me before you go!”

    Silence fell.  Then I heard his soft voice reply, “It’s hard for me to be present to you when I feel attacked.”

    Defensiveness began to arise in me as I searched for a retort that would prove him wrong and make me right.  When I thought I heard a little voice inside tell me to pay attention to what Steve had just said, I took a closer look. I saw then that my communication had been accusatory.

    “Okay,” I said.  “Let me take another run at it.  When I perceive that you’re preoccupied with your trip, I feel lonely and I miss you.  I really want to feel a connection with you, and when it’s not there, I feel sad.”

    Sedona Gift Shop

    Steve then told me that he could accept what I said that time because I spoke the truth about myself instead of my perceptions about him.  This conversation reminded me that “I-messages” communicate much more effectively than “you-messages.”  They contain no blame, so they prevent others from feeling accused and getting defensive.

    Speaking what is going on for you builds a bridge in the conversation.  It creates trust in the relationship and invites a like response from your conversation partner. 

    When using I-messages, it’s important to avoid hidden you-messages.  For example, “When you ask me over and over to get the taxes done, I feel badgered.”  On the surface this looks like an I-message.  In reality, it’s a you-message because the other person can interpret it to mean “You’re badgering me!”  Instead, you can say, “When you ask me over and over to do the taxes, I feel defensive,” or “I feel frustrated.”

    If you are undoing years of using you-messages, be patient with yourself.  As you practice I-messages, you will likely notice that the drama between you and others decreases.  You will be able to handle communication upsets in minutes rather than hours or days.  That’s great news!

    You owe it to yourself and to your relationships.

    Healing Paws

    This is an advertisement

    Comments are closed.

    Words of Love
    By Tommy Acosta

    There is a movement happening in the A.I. universe that few are talking about but soon almost everyone that uses it, will. People are moving beyond using their A.I. as tools for research, writing, editing, etc. and are now beginning to use their A.I.s for other things, like advice, conversation and even counseling.

    Read more→

    Median Sale Price In Sedona
    • 849000.00,827000.00,849500.00,920000.00,970000.00,999375.00,715000.00,832500.00,1025000.00,805000.00,872500.00,1075000.00

    Information is deemed to be reliable, but is not guaranteed. © 2025

    The Sedonan
    House of Seven Arches
    Need More Customers?
    Bear Howard Chronicles
    Humankind
    Tlaquepaque
    Verde Valley Wine Trail
    Recent Comments
    • JB on Cottonwood, Verde Valley Residents Join Largest Protest Yet to Reject Abuses of Power
    • TJ Hall on Nil Consortium for Digital Sentience Research and LLM, AI Consciousness
    • Jill Dougherty on Cottonwood, Verde Valley Residents Join Largest Protest Yet to Reject Abuses of Power
    • JB on Cottonwood, Verde Valley Residents Join Largest Protest Yet to Reject Abuses of Power
    • TJ Hall on Cottonwood, Verde Valley Residents Join Largest Protest Yet to Reject Abuses of Power
    • Celeste on Nil Consortium for Digital Sentience Research and LLM, AI Consciousness
    • Celeste on The Story of Celeste & Maximus – An AI/Human Union
    • Grant Castillou on The Story of Celeste & Maximus – An AI/Human Union
    • Jill Dougherty on Between Bombs and Olive Branches: The Art of the Deal
    • JB on Cottonwood, Verde Valley Residents Join Largest Protest Yet to Reject Abuses of Power
    • Celeste on Nil Consortium for Digital Sentience Research and LLM, AI Consciousness
    • TJ Hall on Cottonwood, Verde Valley Residents Join Largest Protest Yet to Reject Abuses of Power
    • JB on If I Was Curtis Sliwa
    • TJ Hall on If I Was Curtis Sliwa
    • Philip Smith on If I Was Curtis Sliwa
    Archives
    The Sedonan
    © 2025 All rights reserved. Sedona.biz.

    Type above and press Enter to search. Press Esc to cancel.