Political Satire By Tommy Acosta
(March 14, 2020)
Fasten your seatbelts all you conspiracy theorists out there because we are going for a ride.
Let our imaginations sink to the lowest depths they have ever been before. Pull no punches. Trade the sublime for the ridiculous and let’s get dirty.
Just who is it behind the Coronavirus phenomena?
Conspiracy Theory Number One.
The Millennials did it! They created a Designer Flu that specifically kills people my age and the weak and feeble. They did it because we Baby Boomers are in their way, eating up money with our illnesses, money that won’t be there for them when they get to be our age. We are still pretty healthy and still working and this pisses them off. They want what we have and they are desperate to get us out of their future ASAP. “Die already you fossilized Baby Boomers.” That’s their mantra.
Conspiracy Theory Number Two
It’s a Russian plot. Notice how we are getting no reports about the virus infecting Communist countries. Nothing from Russia. Nothing From Cuba. Nothing from Viet Namn. Nothing from North Korea. Only China. If they are trying to hide it they will fail because we have eyes and spies in the sky and everywhere else. We would know. By infecting all democratic countries, they can weaken us and stroll right in and invade. Yup! They will further confuse us with their meddling in our election and keep us all divided while they take over.
Conspiracy Theory Number Three
This is an old one. The Democrats did it to get people to blame Trump for it. This is too obvious to qualify as a bona-fide conspiracy theory.
Conspiracy Number Four
It was created to get Americans to stop buying things from China. The fear will scare us from touching anything stamped “Made In China.” Sinister.
Conspiracy Theory Number Five
It was created by the Illuminati to cull the populations of the world. Get rid of the old and weak. There’s too much pollution and emissions and old people farting, screwing with the climate over the Riviera and their other global playgrounds. Crash the market then buy it back up. Thin out the brush. They got it all figured out.
Conspiracy Theory Number Six
It’s the Aliens. Everybody knows our celestial keepers travel from their universe to ours for fun and perversion. One of which is eating the life force of humans when they die. Once the pandemic goes into third gear they will enjoy a historic feast they will reminisce about for eons to come.
Conspiracy Theory Number Seven
It was The New World Order. The plan is simple. As the virus expands its territory, elections in democratic societies will most likely be suspended. That will mean whoever is in office will remain in office until the threat no longer exists. Which might be never. People will welcome authoritarianism and put their faith in powerful leaders no longer burdened by elections, to keep them safe and fed — even if it means giving up every civil right they ever had. Hard measures will be taken and the governments of the world will rule their people with an iron fist. Democracy dies forever.
That’s it for now. I’m depressing myself.
But I’m sure the depraved pink-bellied underworld where conspiracy theorist crawl about in the muck hatching fairytales, will slither with joy chewing on these ones.
Beautiful! You fell for it, sir…and made Tommy’s point so well.
A Trump lover chemist created the virus so Trump can save us from it and everyone will vote for him again!
Deborah, dear heart … President Trump does not/did not need the Corona virus to get votes.
Defeating the ‘D’ virus was more than adequate.
However, the Corona thing is a helpful bonus as it demonstrates just how far ‘they’ will go and also demonstrates how easy is skilful social engineering.
Lyfe is gude …
Number 7 is popular for a reason. We should perhaps approve of the fact that Tommy Acosta did not help propagate any stories about “germ warfare.” Not that I do not think that our government is shiftless enough to to something like we are seeing… My belief is that this is a totally natural phenomenon, and it did come from snake meat. Not a lab. But now… Ladies and gentlemen, we can be sure that there are any number of entities calculating how best to take advantage of this situation. This could all lead to a Trump monarchy and creation of a dynasty that travels, someday to the stars. You wanna get upset? How about that particular law enforcement person; “David Clarke,” the fellow with the cowboy hat? Today, MSN reported he is calling for aggressive take-overs of public places to combat the government stealing our rights by making us stay home? And far worse: DO NOT GET THIS STUFF, REPORTS SAY THAT IT CAN BE VERY PAINFUL AND OVERWHELMING.
So here is where you have been hiding,Tommy. Long way from The Bronx, aren’t we?
Obviously you found yourself another little kitty-condo to spout from.
I’ve taken the red pill and have been Q’d since the very first day the “Calm Before the Storm” was dangled in front of the Tokyo Rose media outlets in October of 2017.
So, in my world of conspiracies (not all conspiracies are “theories” ; some of them are for real) it is a combination of number 3 and number 7. Maybe a little bit of number 4 mixed in, but it isn’t the primary focus.
Number 7 comes with a twist, however, relative to your details. It is definitely pursuant to establishing permanent dictatorship, but Orange Man is not the dictator.
He is the monkey wrench in the plan that is an existential threat to the designs of those who have their whole lives and fortunes invested in establishing said dictatorship. They used to frequent his office on bended knee begging for large donations. They sang his praises.
But now he finally got too disgusted with what was going on—disgusted enough to throw away his whole former cushy, comfortable, respected, catbird-seat of a life to step into THIS?? This fucking shit storm of death threats against his family and daily character assassination in the ugliest of ways?
Why? Why the hell would anybody do that unless they were sincere about being fed the fuck up with the status quo of the billionaire’s good ole boy club? Said good ole’ boys club knows that he knows all the closets where all the skeletons are buried and they know he means to dismantle and destroy their pampered world and throw many of them in jail.
That’s why they suddenly hate him so much. That’s why their bought-and-paid for Tokyo Rose media outlets have invested all their combined energy in spewing venom, hatred, and ugly, whole-cloth lies about him 24/7/365 for the last four years. Follow the money. How’s that for conspiracies?
• Disclaimer: The author is not LoPhat, Eddie or an evil cat.
Anon Niemus — greetings! Small world, innit …
Nikolai Tesla said the numbers to reckon with are 3, 6 and 9.
Douglas Adams claims 42 is the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything. I reckon the numbers 17, 45 and 4-10-20 are related and are of the utmost importance.
Have you noticed how some well-known people are losing their looks?
Both make and female? Perhaps I should say allegedly male and female. Hard to tell these days, with some of ’em, ain’t it? I reckon the reason some of ’em are looking so ugly lately is ‘cos the supply of adrenachrome has been cut off. I also suspect that what supplies are available have been contaminated with the Corona supplement. Seriously! Look how many of ’em are self isolating. Of course, ’tis possible that they have really been arrested and the Corona gig is a cover story so their colleagues in grime will not be warned.
But then, with apparent lockdowns, they won’t be able to escape, will they?
Dontcha just love it when a ‘trusty’ plan comes together?
As the advert said: “The future is bright, the future is Orange.”
• Disclaimer: This author is not any of them either.
You are so naive Anon. You are obviously a Trump fan and most likely possess an IQ under 90. Of course it’s all orchestrated. What planet do you come from? The point is we the 1 percenters are in absolute control and you Plebeians think you know when in fact what you know is nothing. Tokyo Rose media..how so boringly obvious.Took the Red Pill. Just as stupid and dumb. You slather over Orange Man’s rule believing he is in charge while the Deep State profits from the pandemic and prepares the world for complete domination by those of us who proudly bear the label “1Percenters.” We have ruled from the beginning and we will continue beyond the future with our IA technology. So just shut your naive trap and fall in like the rest. Stop believing in Fair Tales.
For a start, the so-called “elderly” or “Pensioners” or “Retirees” are far from being at the most risk!
Bleedin’ obvious, innit. These experienced, knowledgeable people were raised in an age when children played in the mud and the dirt, stayed out all day, played, ate their lunch, took a dump, finished their lunch, played some more and went home without ever washing their hands. They never became ill. Never got sick. Indeed, despite never having a single vaccination, never had a day’s illness in their lives. And why not? Because they built up immunity to near enough everything. They have cast-iron immune systems created by being exposed to and dealing with unwlecome germs and other strange creatures.
Those most at risk are those raised in squeaky-clean homes as portrayed in advertisments for detergents via the Idiot’s Lantern. The ladies of these dwellings are so proud of how clean are their environments that they brag how they are so clean “You could eat offthe floor.” And what is on the floor? Whether carpet or tiles or timber, there is a film of poisonous detergent upon which toddlers crawl frequently putting hand to mouth. So alredy they are off to a bad start. Then it gets worse … their delicate immune systems are bombarded with cocktails of chemicals via a hypodermic needle, “vaccines”, which near enough destroy those fragile immune systems before they’ve had a chance to even begin to establish themselves.
This is the group most at risk and if people stopped and thought (there’s a novel idea!) for a moment they’d realise the truth of it.
Apologies for not addressing the “Conspiracy” theories, got sidetracked.
Will try again.
A Grade 2 Messiah (Retired)