Sedona.Biz – The Voice of Sedona and The Verde ValleySedona.Biz – The Voice of Sedona and The Verde Valley
    Sedona.Biz – The Voice of Sedona and The Verde Valley Sedona.Biz – The Voice of Sedona and The Verde Valley
    • Home
    • Sedona News
      • Arts and Entertainment
      • Bear Howard Chronicles
      • Business Profiles
      • City of Sedona
      • Elections
      • Goodies & Freebies
      • Mind & Body
      • Sedona News
    • Opinion
    • Real Estate
    • The Sedonan
    • Advertise
    • Sedona’s Best
    Sedona.Biz – The Voice of Sedona and The Verde ValleySedona.Biz – The Voice of Sedona and The Verde Valley
    Home»Editorials/Opinion»Not good enough/better than
    Editorials/Opinion

    Not good enough/better than

    March 5, 2012No Comments
    Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn Email Reddit WhatsApp
    Share
    Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Pinterest Email Reddit WhatsApp

    By Dr. Marta Adelsman

    photo martaadelsmanSedona AZ (March 5, 2012) – Somewhere between the ages of birth and five years old, you began to believe lies about yourself. The ego generated these lies and has used them ever since to keep you running on the gerbil wheel of upset and emotional drama. Once you recognize the lies, you can make choices that counter their effects on your relationships.

    One powerful lie is that you’re not good enough. Perhaps it originates from feeling inadequate to perform according to parental expectations. Or perhaps you are unsuccessful in keeping your parents from getting a divorce.  Or maybe you couldn’t prevent a pet or a person from dying.  All manner of events can precipitate and then feed the “not good enough” belief.

    This belief has a flip side called “better than.” One minute you perceive that you’re “not good enough” and others are “better than. ” The next minute you think of others as “not good enough” and you as “better than.”

    One effect of the “not good enough/better than” (NGE/BT) opinion is perfectionism. If a tiny flaw or error exists in something you do, the ego labels the entire project “not good enough.” It then uses your mind to heap a load of judgment and criticism onto you, and you beat yourself up with self-deprecating thoughts. You begin to procrastinate; or you might give up entirely, thinking, “It will never be good enough, so why bother?”

    The ego, through the NGE/BT pattern, judges and criticizes others. It convinces you that you are right and others wrong.  It lures you into laying “shoulds” onto others because, of course, its way is best. It will have you share opinions with a tone of arrogant self-righteousness that creates pressure and tension in your relationships.

    Sedona Gift Shop

    An excellent strategy to counter the NGE/BT lie is simply to notice it. It operates with free rein in the secrecy of your unconsciousness, but it will retreat in the Light of your awareness. “Oh, there it goes again,” you say. Then you laugh at it, pat it on the head, and tell it to go sit in the corner. If you judge the NGE/BT pattern and try to expunge it from your life, that’s called resistance, which only succeeds in keeping the pattern in place.

    Dr. Carol McCall, one of my mentors, used to give “homework” to people with the NGE/BT pattern. Every time they caught themselves speaking a “should” or making a judgmental statement, they were to say, “Of course, that’s the ‘not good enough/better than’ speaking.” This exercise served to strengthen their power of self-observation, enabling them to catch the pattern in action and to expose it by telling on it.

    Exposing the ego and withdrawing your attention from the drama that NGE/BT generates takes away the ego’s food. When it doesn’t receive nourishment through the upset of your judgment and impatience, it will decrease in intensity and frequency.

    When this occurs, others experience you as more “user friendly.”  Your perfectionism and self-righteousness transforms into the gift of quality that you are then free to contribute to the world.

    To contact Dr. Marta or to make an appointment, write her at drmartacoach@gmail.com or call 928-451-9482.

    Healing Paws

    This is an advertisement

    Comments are closed.


    What Would I Change?
    By Amaya Gayle Gregory

    What would I change if I could? You and I both know I can’t, but it’s a fun exercise anyway. I would have been less of a know-it-all on my spiritual journey. It seems to be a side-effect of the path. Spiritual folks develop an all-knowing buffer to protect against their inevitable surrender to the unknown, but understanding that now didn’t make it gentler on me or those I loved, let alone those that I deemed not capable of getting it 😉 Yeah … I’d have dropped the spiritual snob act. I’d have recognized that spiritual radicals are only different on the outside from radical right Christians, and that the surface doesn’t really matter as much as I thought. We are all doing our couldn’t be otherwise things, playing our perfect roles. I’d have learned to bow down humbly before my fellow man, regardless of whether I agreed with him or not. We’re all in this together and not one of us will get out alive. Read more→
    The Sedonan
    Need More Customers?
    Bear Howard Chronicles
    Humankind
    Tlaquepaque
    Verde Valley Wine Trail
    Recent Comments
    • styve on What Would I Change?
    • West Sedona Dave on Honoring Mom on Mother’s Day
    • Jill Dougherty on Innovative Affordable Workforce Housing for the City of Sedona
    • Bill w on Innovative Affordable Workforce Housing for the City of Sedona
    • JB on Honoring Mom on Mother’s Day
    • @Bill on Innovative Affordable Workforce Housing for the City of Sedona
    • Jill Dougherty on Innovative Affordable Workforce Housing for the City of Sedona
    • TJ Hall on Innovative Affordable Workforce Housing for the City of Sedona
    • Bill N. on Innovative Affordable Workforce Housing for the City of Sedona
    • JB on Innovative Affordable Workforce Housing for the City of Sedona
    • Bill w on Innovative Affordable Workforce Housing for the City of Sedona
    • Jon Hamnderna on Innovative Affordable Workforce Housing for the City of Sedona
    • JB on Innovative Affordable Workforce Housing for the City of Sedona
    • TJ Hall on Innovative Affordable Workforce Housing for the City of Sedona
    • Jill Dougherty on Innovative Affordable Workforce Housing for the City of Sedona
    Archives

    What Would I Change?
    By Amaya Gayle Gregory

    What would I change if I could? You and I both know I can’t, but it’s a fun exercise anyway. I would have been less of a know-it-all on my spiritual journey. It seems to be a side-effect of the path. Spiritual folks develop an all-knowing buffer to protect against their inevitable surrender to the unknown, but understanding that now didn’t make it gentler on me or those I loved, let alone those that I deemed not capable of getting it 😉 Yeah … I’d have dropped the spiritual snob act. I’d have recognized that spiritual radicals are only different on the outside from radical right Christians, and that the surface doesn’t really matter as much as I thought. We are all doing our couldn’t be otherwise things, playing our perfect roles. I’d have learned to bow down humbly before my fellow man, regardless of whether I agreed with him or not. We’re all in this together and not one of us will get out alive. Read more→
    The Sedonan
    The Sedonan
    © 2025 All rights reserved. Sedona.biz.

    Type above and press Enter to search. Press Esc to cancel.