Each ‘you’, could be replaced with I/me. I write from my experience.
The habitual keeps you going round and round on the same track. It tends to spiral downward at a slow enough pace that is it unnoticeable. It is not fresh; it is dead. It is old thinking, old fears, wrapped in the guise of what appears to be this present moment, this unfolding now, tricking you into thinking you are actually fully here.
It doesn’t matter how awake you are. You can still be tricked by the habitual mind. It’s tricky, after all.
Unaware, in the habitual — thoughts of unworthiness, of not enoughness, of that won’t work out, this will fail — you are not present, you are not now. Well, that’s not quite true. You are … but you are present to your thoughts about the now. You are never not present. That’s impossible. Surprised?
Amnesia sets in and for a little while you don’t remember what now is. You think you do, but you are seeing through the layers of mind you erected long ago to save you from disappointment.
The old patterns, especially the well-worn habits, even once seen to be a sham, don’t instantly drop for most of us. They slowly dissolve down what seems to be — when looked at in the rearview mirror — a long and winding road.
That old pattern had a purpose. It dampened the fall, masking your inability to feel the raw disappointment. It was necessary the first few times or it wouldn’t have occurred that way. It insulated the hurt with cushioning: ideas of life being hard, of not everyone being able to succeed, or maybe as ‘I’ll just have to continue on as is’ and a handwringing ‘that’s okay, really it is’.
You create the alternate realities in your inability to feel that disappointment in its rawness, the need to hold it way past arm’s length because it hurt too much, the profound fear that you will disappoint yourself or others … again, and that must-be-avoided idea that you aren’t enough and never have been.
It’s all BS and even though you know it, the patterns will run their course, the old karma will play out until it runs out.
So you go round and round and round and round … inspired to break free of the ruts of your life and unknowingly, not fully trusting life to let you. There were so many reasons not to and a few of them still have their hooks in you. Of course, they do. Waking up isn’t a cure-all, a one and done, as much as you’d like it to be.
It’s a conundrum, realizing that you are the life that you don’t trust and that you are still at the effect of old patterns.
Life persistently clears out the accumulated padding. Life is the clearing, the movement, the awakening from our sleep with fear.
There is nothing but life dreaming it is you and me and the world. We are life. You know that. You are the intelligence of the spheres, its music too. You are the everywhere power, the hearticles of creation. You can create anything you like but you seem to like the creation as it is, or at the least, trust it more than you trust the unknown.
You can only believe what you are primed to believe, what you think possible — truly feel to be possible … and you can’t think yourself out of what you think. You aren’t even aware of many beliefs, or aware enough for the belief to surface long enough to get a good look.
You don’t do the work in order to get something. You don’t choose it. It chooses you. When you are ready for a new piece of your puzzle, you organically open to seeing, to feeling what you didn’t want to see or feel, because it is finally visible. Life’s brilliant prep school has readied you, has pushed the hidden piece into the light of day and it is time for you to stop being at the effect of that residual fear. Until this clarity arrives the persistent program must run its course.
It doesn’t require fearlessness. It requires nothing. The moment comes when you simply step into the fear. The inherent need to see the truth, the pure desire to see what this really is and what you truly are beyond this particular bit of veiled energy, allows entry into a place that was previously off-limits.
There is always further, places within we have yet to traverse. I find that quite thrilling. I never wanted to go to heaven, other than as a 6-year-old child. I thought it would be boring, sitting on clouds, strumming a harp, bowed down to a throne of gold. I didn’t know what heaven was. I didn’t realize that heaven is right here. It is the unfolding now offering up its under-belly one revelation at a time. It is the self-freeing aspect of life, the way it shows us what we have been readied to see, the natural movement of creation, of love-in-action.
There is no appropriate bio for Amaya Gayle. She doesn’t exist other than as an expression of Consciousness Itself. Talking about her in biographical terms is a disservice to the truth and to anyone who might be led to believe in such nonsense. None of us exist, not in the way we think. Ideas spring into words. Words flow onto paper and yet no one writes them. They simply appear fully formed. Looking at her you would swear this is a lie. She’s there after all, but honestly, she’s not. Bios normally wax on about accomplishments and beliefs, happenings in time and space. She has never accomplished anything, has no beliefs and like you was never born and will never die. Engage with Amaya at your own risk. That said with a giggle, check out Amaya’s new book – Actuality: infinity at play, available in paperback and e-book at Amazon.