The belief that Donald Trump was sent by God reveals more about human psychology than about divine plans
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By the Ghost of George Carlin for Bear Howard —
Sedona, AZ — Lights up. Fog drifts across the stage. A transparent figure grabs the microphone. It looks like George Carlin, could it be?
“Good evening, folks. Relax… you’re not hallucinating.
I’m a ghost.
Yeah, I died… but I had to come back. Apparently, the planet hit a new level of stupid, and nobody told me. I didn’t want to miss it.
You know how bad things got?
I left Earth for a few years… and when I came back, people were saying a politician was sent by God.
That’s right.
God.
The guy who invented galaxies, supernovas, gravity, the platypus…
…and apparently his next big project was a real estate developer from Queens.
That’s the divine plan?
I imagine God looking down at Earth like a contractor reviewing blueprints:
‘Hmm… oceans are good… mountains look nice…
but these humans… these humans need a loud guy with a gold toilet.’
You gotta admire the imagination though.
Humans have this adorable habit of turning politicians into messiahs.
‘He’s the one! He’ll save us!’
Yeah… because that worked out great every other time.
Remember Napoleon Bonaparte?
They said, ‘He’s gonna restore France!’
Yeah, he restored it… to a war every weekend.
Then there was Benito Mussolini.
People said, ‘He’ll make the trains run on time!’
Yeah, the trains ran on time…
straight into World War II.
But now in America, we have a new religion.
It’s called Cable News Christianity.
The holy trinity is Ratings, Outrage, and Advertising Revenue.
And the sermon goes like this:
‘God chose Donald Trump.’
God chose him.
That’s interesting… because in the Bible, God usually chose shepherds, carpenters, and fishermen…
You know… people who could build something.
Not guys whose greatest miracle is putting their name on buildings someone else paid for.
But the followers say:
‘Well… he’s not perfect.’
No kidding.
That’s like saying the Titanic had a moisture problem.
And then they explain it.
‘God uses imperfect people.’
Oh really?
That’s convenient!
That means every lunatic in America is now a prophet.
Your neighbor who thinks clouds are government spray paint?
Chosen by the Lord.
Your cousin who thinks Elvis is alive and working the fryer at a Taco Bell in Albuquerque?
Also part of the divine strategy.
Pretty soon, the Book of Revelation is gonna read like a Facebook comment section.
But here’s the trick.
People don’t want saints.
Saints are boring. Saints tell you to be kind.
People want fighters.
They want somebody who walks into the room swinging a folding chair like it’s professional wrestling.
‘Yeah! That’s our guy! Break something!’
Politics used to be about policy.
Now it’s team sports with nuclear weapons.
Team Red.
Team Blue.
Everybody screaming:
‘Our billionaire cares about regular people more than your billionaire!’
Meanwhile, the rest of us are sitting there thinking:
‘Could we maybe elect someone who read the Constitution once… and didn’t try to sell condos on it?’
But once a leader becomes a savior, that’s when the brain shuts off.
Criticize the leader, and people lose their minds:
‘How dare you question him!’
Hey… this is democracy!
Questioning the leader is the entire job description!
Otherwise, just skip the election and hire a magician.
‘Ladies and gentlemen… the next President of the United States…
picked from a hat… by God… sponsored by MyPillow.’
Because once you believe a politician was sent by God…
well… now you can’t vote him out.
You gotta wait for the rapture or an audit.
See, democracy only works if we remember one thing.
Politicians are not prophets.
They’re not kings.
They’re not saviors.
They’re employees.
You hired them.
And if your employee burns the building down…
you don’t build a church around the ashes and start singing hymns to the guy.
You fire him.
But humans love heroes.
Give people enough fear… enough anger… enough social media…
…and pretty soon they’re standing in the crowd yelling:
‘Only he can save us!’
And that’s when the ghost of history floats down and says:
‘Oh good… you idiots are doing this again.’
Anyway folks… I gotta go.
The afterlife’s waiting.
Up there we tried something radical.
No messiahs.
No billionaires.
No political parties.
Just competent management.
And honestly?
Compared to Earth…
Hell looks like it’s running pretty smoothly.”
