Sedona.Biz – The Voice of Sedona and The Verde ValleySedona.Biz – The Voice of Sedona and The Verde Valley
    Sedona.Biz – The Voice of Sedona and The Verde Valley Sedona.Biz – The Voice of Sedona and The Verde Valley
    • Home
    • Sedona News
    • Business Profiles
    • Opinion
    • Mind & Body
    • Arts
    • Elections
    • Gift Shop
    • Contact
    • Advertise
    Sedona.Biz – The Voice of Sedona and The Verde ValleySedona.Biz – The Voice of Sedona and The Verde Valley
    Home » 3 Steps to Deflect Criticism
    Sedona

    3 Steps to Deflect Criticism

    February 27, 2019No Comments
    Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn Email Reddit WhatsApp
    Share
    Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Pinterest Email Reddit WhatsApp

    By Dr. Marta Adelsman
    Life Coach in Communication and Consciousness
    (February 27, 2019)

    photo_martaadelsman2x144Does this happen to you? People speak to you, and because you hear criticism in what they say, your defenses rise. Did you know you don’t have to absorb criticism?

    For years I had accused my husband, Steve, of criticizing me. Because I had come to expect it, I approached conversations already defensive. Then I learned how I didn’t have to let it land and trigger my defensive response.

    I have used these 3 steps to deflect criticism:

    1. Recognize when your defenses rise. Most of us have clues, like a tightened gut, a tense jaw, or a faster heartbeat. You may notice a buzz of emotional energy within you that signals anger and resistance.
    2. Once you recognize it, remind yourself you don’t have to take in the criticism. Know you can deflect it, and it would most likely serve your relationship to do so.
    3. Deflect the person’s comment, turning it around so the other person sees himself rather than looking at you critically.

    Here’s an example:

    Husband:

    “You should back the car into the garage instead of pulling in front first.”

    Wife:

    Response possibility #1: Why do you have to tell me how to pull into the garage? I’ve been doing it for years, and it’s been fine! Your way of doing things isn’t always better, you know!”

    Sedona Gift Shop

    Response possibility #2: I think I heard a criticism in what you just said. Was it your intention to criticize me?

    Response possibility #3: “I understand that’s how you see it. Thanks for your opinion.”

    Response possibility #4: Tell me more. I’m willing to change if I think your way works better for me.

    The first response is argumentative. It draws out defensiveness in the other person, and can easily escalate into a full-blown conflict.

    The second response alerts the other person to how he came across to you and encourages him to examine his motives behind the comment. My communication mentor, Dr. Carol McCall, calls this ‘checking it out.’ Checking it out buys you time so you can diffuse your own defensive response, which can escalate the conflict.

    The third and fourth responses clearly establish your boundary. You communicate your competence to make a choice about how you park the car.

    However you choose to deflect the criticism, responses 2, 3, and 4 probably constitute a new habit, so it may feel weird at first. Through practice, you gain skill and, in the process, you keep your power.

    Healing Paws

    This is an advertisement

    Comments are closed.


    Analyzing City’s Legal Right to
    Ban OHVs on Public Roads

    By Tommy Acosta
    Mea Culpa! Mea Culpa! Mea Maxima Culpa! I screwed up. Blew it. Totally made a fool of myself. Missed the boat. I am talking about my editorial on the OHV fight, No Legal Traction on OHVs. I assumed that it was ADOT that would make a decision on whether the city could legally ban off road vehicles from our public roads like S.R. 89A and S.R. 179. Man was I off. ADOT has nothing to do with allowing or disallowing the city to do so. ADOT’s response to me when I asked them to clarify their position, was curt and to the point. “ADOT designs, builds and maintains the state highway system,” I was told. “It is not our place to offer an opinion on how state law might apply in this matter.” It was a totally “duh” moment for me when I realized that that the decision or judgement on the OHV ordinance, would involve the state and not ADOT. Chagrinned I stand. The crux of the matter then is whether the city can effectively use a number of standing state laws that can be interpreted to determine whether the city can legally ban the vehicles or not. Read more→
    Recent Comments
    • JB on Mayor & Council Deserve Kudos For Chamber Oversight
    • Richard Kepple on Analyzing City’s Legal Right to Ban OHVs on Public Roads
    • Mary on Analyzing City’s Legal Right to Ban OHVs on Public Roads
    • JB on DORR Hosts Talk on Gun Violence Prevention
    • Sheila Jackman on Remembering Sedona Sculptor John Soderberg: A Tribute to a Creative Genius
    Categories
    © 2023 All rights reserved. Sedona.biz.

    Type above and press Enter to search. Press Esc to cancel.